Updated on January 16, 2016
How to Plan a Divorce Party
Why does divorce have to cause everyone to be a debbie downer? I say we change the way people look at break-ups and start celebrating the fact that two people can decide to love each other without being with each other.
What better way to do this than with a party?! Come on guys and gals. Get your party hats on and let’s plan together.
STEP ONE: (At least) One bottle of rum
When planning a party, it is very important that your guest are not left to be thirsty. No one wants a parched mouth. It would truly dry up the conversation. I highly suggest having a cocktail theme that matches your party theme to really pull the evening together.
The DARK and STORMY
3 parts Dark Rum
2 part Ginger Beer
A Wedge of Lime (to really make it bite)
As you sip this beverage, give the glass a swirl to watch the storm begin.
STEP TWO: Confetti canons
Along with keeping people quenched, you will also need to keep the air light. It can get a little heavy with the weight of the situation. Most of this will be due to your guests not really understanding how to handle a divorce party. Confetti canons are an excellent choice. The confetti will get into everyone’s bags and jackets, leaving them with a parting gift to remember you by – for a long fucking time because no matter how many times you vacuum, more and more confetti WILL appear.
STEP THREE: ALL of the glow sticks
Everyone needs a brightly colored distraction. What is better than glow sticks? This will also help you keep track of your guests when they undoubtedly climb the rickety fire escape after having a few too many Dark and Stormy beverages.
Glow sticks will also enhance the next step.
STEP FOUR: An epic dance party
Come on now! This is a party. You really need to get people up and moving – really get them to shake their moneymakers. Sometimes you need to dance out any remaining confusion and anger you may be holding in.
Be sure to play lots of inappropriate dance music. What is more appropriate than inappropriate hook ups at a party?
STEP FIVE: Plastic bottle are a must
Sometimes when throwing large shindigs, things tend to get messy. Help yourself by hiding all of your glassware. Switch out all of your glasses and bottles to plastic to prevent anyone from getting too rowdy and deciding that throwing things from the roof is a positive plan once the Dark and Stormy beverages and the butt-shaking music kicks in.
STEP SIX: High 5’s and hugs goodbye
Lastly, it’s very important to end the event on an upswing! Who doesn’t smile a bit broader after giving/receiving hugs and high 5’s? You need to ensure all of the people in your life that you will survive this. Anger and resentment towards your significant other will only make the pain last longer.
I mean after all, we’re all just human. And what human doesn’t like to party.